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Deb and I joined the extremely long line to get through customs. Interestingly, Gabe, being a Mexican citizen, had no wait and had the baggage claimed by the time we had gotten through customs. Ixtapa is very much a tourist destination, and this showed in the number of non-citizens as opposed to the number of citizens on the flight.

Sadly for me, Deb and I were in line behind a gentleman, and I use the word very loosely, whom I first had the pleasure of encountering in Phoenix. You know the stereotypical "Ugly American"? He is not just a stereotype, he actually exists. Wearing an orange camouflage hat, he was as big and loud as life.

Seriously, orange camouflage? Where, exactly, are you going to hide? A Florida citrus farm? A room full of basketballs? A Carrot Top show? Fortunately for my sanity, he proclaimed at the top of his voice, "This way the family will know where I am and can gather round me."

Now, if I said that, it would be done in an attempt to draw a laugh. Particularly since camouflage is typically used to...oh, I don't know, camouflage things? Hide them? He, however, was quite earnest in this statement. So was his attempt to verbally smurf-slap the airline.

When our flight was ready to depart they called for passengers with special needs, 1st class travelers, and passengers with small children to board. Then they had group numbers, which were listed on the tickets, line up to take their turn to board. With the passengers clumped together it was time for Captain Unhappy Consumer to spring into full-throated action. Not using his private conversation voice, he launched his tale of woe.

"I am NEVER flying THIS airline again!" he bellowed. "I have never seen such terrible service."

He paused and I optimistically concluded the tirade was over...and misplaced. A half hour delay on an international flight did not strike me as earth-shattering. However, peace would not be an option. Some intrepid (and stupid) family member chose to feed his flame. "Why not?"

Now, normally when I read my concentration is pretty good. At the moment I was reading "Duke", a biography of John Wayne and the section I was reading had particular relevance as a research topic for my forthcoming book Dreamcatchers on the Rearview Mirror so I was able to blank out part of his ranting. However, he went so loud and so long that I could not blank it all out.